I just made an asshole out of myself. I tried to get back into contact with a friend. Not knowing if she still wanted to talk to me. And now I see why. Every time I had talked to her, it would always be why her friend wouldnt talk to me. Now let's see how selfish that is. I not only hurt my friend but I also made myself look like a total idiot. I didn't even notice it either. I didn't mean it, but I used her. And she told me how she felt and I appreciate that, but...ugh, I know I can be selfish, but how did it come to that? What is it with me? I don't think and it doesn't process. I know people make mistakes but I feel like a total jackass. And I totally should. I deserve it. I don't know if I'll be forgiven. The way she messaged me, it sounded like she was close to ending our relationship. I should know how she feels. In fact, I do. It only makes me look like a huge loser. The more I think about it, the more I feel like a dick. I can't get over how stupid I look. I told my friend that she was right.
I need to give her space now. As I would probably want some space. I need a reality check.
Well, it looks like it's time to move on. We talked and it's true: we have run our course and we've grown apart. It's not the same as it was before. It was a bit shocking, but true. I will see this as a chance to grow. To treat people better, with care.