Shut Gibbon

My head is stuck in the clouds.

2011-07-16T16:54:00.003-04:00

And I can't really quite see.

I'm giving him a chance, though he's not great enough to see it and seize that opportunity. I've done the work. I grew some balls. Is it time to move on? We'll just be friends? I guess? I might have already spotted someone else. I'm going to a party in a month.

I started a new school. So far...in class I'm doing well. Online is different story. We'll see how that goes next week.

Something Tells Me

2011-06-28T15:11:00.000-04:00

I should take a chance.

Thank God for my friends.

2011-06-27T01:50:00.003-04:00

Which is exactly what I prayed thanks for today at church. I talked to a few people about this guy I recently had met and things went quickly, but I was suspicious. And to some people, it wasn't worth it to tell me the truth about this guy. A good couple of friends told me the real deal about this guy. Ugh, people are such pigs. I can't stand it. I was so angry tonight. I saw it coming, too. Whatever. Lesson learned. It could have been worse. We only made out and he was touchy. I'm done. I should've stuck with my gut. One of my few regrets. I've learned.

Tonight

2011-05-31T00:11:00.000-04:00

I'll go at it alone

A lot has happened.

2011-05-29T15:58:00.003-04:00

1. I graduated from community college. I have an Associate's Degree in Communications. I like my degree. I've met some pretty cool and interesting people. I've learned some things. I learned that I need to follow my gut and to speak up. I'm still trying to get used to it. I'm on my way to DeVry and I want to go into graphic and multimedia design.

Summer is here and I'm just relaxing a lot. This week I saw a lot of people that I don't normally see so that was fun. Hopefully I'll be seeing more people.

I went to a Steampunk convention a week ago, and it kinda gave me a different outlook on some people. It was so cool that a good majority of the attendees were middle aged. Everyone was really nice and honest. I liked it a lot. I didn't feel judged or felt like I needed to impress anyone.

One question?
When is it my turn?

Tomorrow is the Day.

2011-05-13T21:48:00.002-04:00

Graduation day. Granted, it's only from community college but, it's something. At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to the ceremony but I decided to go. I want to celebrate. It'll be fun and my friend will be walking also, so that should be nice :)

One thing I would like to talk about. Is me.
One of my best friend's exes was talking to me last night and all of a sudden, he full frontal assaulted me with flirts. I don't even want to know what would've happened if we were face to face. I had a tough time ONLINE. Bottom line, i told him he was straight forward and that I have some of the greatest friends.

I Shouldn't Have To

2011-05-06T12:37:00.002-04:00

No one should, but I have to. So does my family. And I know others deal with it too.
My mom moved money around to a new bank and now is accusing a man at the bank of stealing her money. That is some serious accusation. My mom started taking the right amount of medication finally. Two weeks ago, and she was getting better but now is getting worse. She wants the police involved and is saying things that aren't making sense. Last night my brother called me while I was at work, I thought she had gotten hurt and went to the hospital. She was having an "episode" and my brother was telling me he had to escape. She still thinks she's not sick. I shouldn't have to be afraid of my own mother. But I am.

But I'm a trooper. I stick it out. I do what I have to do. I don't back down. And even if I have things I need to do and deal with; it might add on but it makes the outcome better and more rewarding.

I haven't had a mother in years.

I just want to feel stable.

A good day gone...well, I really don't know.

2011-04-25T20:41:00.002-04:00

Here's the deal: My mother has been mentally sick for the past two years. In 2009, my mom went to the hospital for a tic bite she had gotten and had a bad reaction to the medication and then had a mental reaction because of the hospital. She was having hallucinations kept thinking that my dad was no longer loyal or that I was being raped my spirits. She kept trying to escape, there's even a crack in one of the blinds to my back door because she was trying to run away. This time it's about money, which is dangerous. She's been on medication that's been helping so much, but I think we have to up her dosage now. But she won't admit that she's sick and that she's right. She only cares about what's on the outside and is stubborn. She doesn't want help or medication. She refuses to see any kind of specialist. She thinks my dad transferred their joint money to his account when he didn't do anything. So now it's getting to the point where there might be some legal issues so things are really getting rough.

It's so hard to deal. What am I supposed to do? I keep asking that question but I know there's no straight answer. She sees a doctor but she's so resistant and doesn't think she needs help. Sometimes, I get so angry that I just want to yell but I know that wouldn't help. I have to pretend that nothing's wrong. It's just hard on the heart. Whenever I think about it, my chest feels heavy. I always get afraid that I'll get that call that my mom has done something drastic and has ended up in the hospital or worse. We don't trust her to drive that much, she recently got into a fender bender a couple weeks ago. She's so distracted with who knows what. What's worse with me is that I create all these scenarios in my head that then emotionally trigger my mind, so I have all these untrue ideas. I know they aren't true but then I always have the "what if" option in my head.

It's so rough. I'm just trying to get by without having to run into trouble.

Everyone Dies, but Not Everyone Lives

2011-04-16T22:51:00.002-04:00

I feel like things are rushing so quickly. I have a bunch of art that I need to finish and I have to think about how things are going to change for DeVry. It might not seem a lot but, it's a new idea.

I emailed the chairperson for my church's carnival about doing photography and she emailed me back quickly saying she would like to have me do some photography with another person! I've seen the person around church so that's good. I'm really excited for this opportunity.

I've been wanting to be more active, both mentally and physically. It's hard to find inspiration. I've been doing the same thing everyday. I haven't really gone out this semester. Relay for Life is coming up soon and I'm excited for that. Then in a month is 1.) Graduation and 2.) Steampunk World's Fair. It'll be my first time going to steampunk. I'm pretty excited, it'll be fun and I'll be around my kind again. I don't have a problem being with, "normal" people I guess. But something about this new style and way of life is so invigorating. The fashion is beautiful, the people are so nice and friendly. Maybe it has to do with that I've been living at home so much and I'm yearning for something new. Also, I love the music in this genre; it's so upbeat and amazing!

I can't believe I'm going to blog about this, but I've been feeling rather...lonely, lately. I know it's a cheesy thing to be talking about, but I need to get it out. I don't know what it is with me, but I overthink things when it comes to guys and what my mind does is creates all these scenarios that I hope will happen, but I know that they won't. I always urge people to make a move, you only live once. And where am I? Sitting in my bedroom wishing I had the guts. I can't even take my own advice. Does that make me a hypocrite? I don't want to think so, but I have this barrier with people I don't know. I need something to break that wall. But it's so thick of letdowns and fears. I'm mostly a confident person about myself. I speak out when I see fit, and I have my cocky moments. I don't get what happens when I go in public and that damned wall comes up. I never had that when I was in St. Peter's. I wish I knew what I know now, then. I wish even more that I graduated from there. I wish I didn't meet the people I met at Franklin. Things changed, I was robbed of physically and mentally. I'm not really sure what my point is. I think, that I'm trying to slowly chip away at my wall that keeps me from being myself. But there are moments that have created that wall that can't really be destroyed. I've been doing some digging. I'm not sure if I'm ready to break down that wall and start over? Or maybe the wall has already broken me down and I need time and experience to rebuild myself. Maybe I'm just complicating things even more. Maybe I should concentrate on myself and find out what I'm searching for before I go looking for it.

If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
Geeze. What a question. The true answer would be nothing. But there doesn't have to be one singular thing you want to achieve. There can be many things. But that one thing...I'm not even sure what I want. I need to do some more digging.

I'm not there yet.

One of those rainy days...

2011-04-06T21:30:00.002-04:00

I didn't pass a paper in school. I was like really depressed about it. Just really sad. It was ironic because I was writing a speech about how parents should be paying attention to their child's academic performance. Angie said she'd help me which I love, but it was just one of those moments where I felt like a total dumbass. I was all teary eyed driving home. I did homework, painted and watched Burlesque and it's only 9:30PM. So I can do some studying and maybe art tonight and tomorrow. I'll probably end up doing the art homework tomorrow before work. The good thing about the paper is that I have two weeks to redo the paper. Just the thought of redoing it is nauseating.

Awhile ago, a friend posted a link to "50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind" I think I'm going to post one of the questions and answer it.

32. If not now, then when?
I picked a number and just went with this. This is kind of something I've been trying to live by recently. Procrastinating is so dumb, just get things done. The faster you get things done, the faster you get to your destination. There is so much that can be done to improve. I know sometimes I don't always ask myself this question, because we all get lazy. But I like having motivation, I really do. I like the feeling of accomplishment. I really should be thinking about this more, even now. Like, right now...I should be working on something but I'm blogging. How productive. I'm just taking a break though. Soon I'm going to return to schoolwork.

Creativity

2011-04-01T19:32:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, it strikes you at such odd times. It can be sneaky. Or maybe you just need to be reminded of what you're good at.

Wednesday, my friend and I went to Michael's and purchased a bunch of paints. Little did I know that I loved using brushes. It was so so nice to paint something creative. We painted for the whole night and then the next day I worked on my art homework. I used a lot of painting and I used a lot of ink on my homework. I finished it too, I was really happy with what I did. I rarely feel that way with that kind of art. It was good because I was home alone and acting like a child. I loved it. I've also been sewing a lot. I've been making a lot of things recently. I also decided I don't want to knit for my craft fair anymore. I feel like a lot of people at the craft fair have been doing the same things over and over again and I want to branch out and do something different. I kind of want to sew hats or toys. Something like that. We'll see how the next few months go.

School is going alright, nothing too bad. I recently did a speech on how to put on a corset and got a B+++ instead of an A because I was short on time. Ugh, so close. It's not a big deal haha.

I'm hoping my creative spark stays on fire.
As weird as that sounds.

I would be happy just making costumes

2011-03-25T00:03:00.002-04:00

I might have to rethink that thought a little bit. I really love creating costumes and putting my own spin on it. Or even just following the pattern. But I love sewing and when it's something that's my own or one of a kind, that's what I love it even more.

School is fine. I think all my classes are okay, nothing too bad. There hasn't been really a lot going on, I guess. I've just had some trouble seeing eye to eye with my sister. She wants me to go to a state college, but myself and everyone I know is telling me to do what's comfortable and everything. So I'm going to do what I want to do. You can guess what that decision is.

I'm starting to craft more! I'm knitting more and I'm sewing more, also. I'm hoping to find a good vest pattern in the next few days and I'm sewing my brother's birthday gift so that should be fun :) I want to sew more and more so I can get better. I bought some nice fabric that I might use for a jacket. I bought a pattern for several pirate costumes so that should be fun.

Ughh...

2011-03-16T22:40:00.000-04:00

I just made an asshole out of myself. I tried to get back into contact with a friend. Not knowing if she still wanted to talk to me. And now I see why. Every time I had talked to her, it would always be why her friend wouldnt talk to me. Now let's see how selfish that is. I not only hurt my friend but I also made myself look like a total idiot. I didn't even notice it either. I didn't mean it, but I used her. And she told me how she felt and I appreciate that, but...ugh, I know I can be selfish, but how did it come to that? What is it with me? I don't think and it doesn't process. I know people make mistakes but I feel like a total jackass. And I totally should. I deserve it. I don't know if I'll be forgiven. The way she messaged me, it sounded like she was close to ending our relationship. I should know how she feels. In fact, I do. It only makes me look like a huge loser. The more I think about it, the more I feel like a dick. I can't get over how stupid I look. I told my friend that she was right.
I need to give her space now. As I would probably want some space. I need a reality check.

edit:
Well, it looks like it's time to move on. We talked and it's true: we have run our course and we've grown apart. It's not the same as it was before. It was a bit shocking, but true. I will see this as a chance to grow. To treat people better, with care.

It always feel a little awkward

2011-02-24T11:03:00.000-05:00

When I come back from an AWESOME convention and I have to come back to reality of school and work.
I went to Wicked Faire this weekend, which is my favorite convention ever. The culture, people and the fun is what I long for each winter. There was awesome live music, dancing, corsets and all kinds of things to buy. Also, what I loved is that the people are amazing. They treat the celebs as normal people. They don't make those stupid con jokes. I bought a new corset which is sooo amazing, I just need to buy a longer string. I dressed up as Red Riding Hood, but I put a little spin on it. I had so much fun at Wicked Faire, and I'm glad I got the courage to get up and dance.
Whenever I get back, it's always so weird. I have to adjust to normal people. I really wish people who went to conventions could like, live in a separate little area away from the rest of people.

Anyways, aside from that. School is ... well, school. Nothing too hard. Gave my first speech and I actually did it on making costumes, which was a big step for me.

Another thing I want to try to do is so clean my room. Like really clean in. And the house. But it's hard with a job and four classes. Ugh, I know excuses but UGH. I don't know.

I'm hoping I can actually pull through and do it.

To Live a Little

2011-02-04T22:10:00.000-05:00

I've been talking with some friends. We want to live a little. We want to take a roadtrip this summer. From Somerset, NJ to Austin, TX. and possibly to San Diego, CA. I want to do this so badly. I've never taken a road trip with friends to anywhere really. Like a real road trip where there are no worries or complications. I'm 21 years old and I've barely done things. I know I'm young and I wanna do as much as I can. You never know what's going to happen next. I feel like this year is going to include a lot of things I wanna do. I'm going to like, 3 or 4 conventions this year. And I wanna drive all the way to Cali? I must be insane. I am. That's the fun part. No turning back or regretting. That's kind of what I'm doing right now. I'm kind of letting go of my old blog and moving onto this one. I'm kind of having a new start of knowing what I want.

I think I'm going to DeVry this summer. For Graphic and Multimedia Design. I love it and the school seems amazing. I want to do it. And I'm going for it. I diving for it. No matter what others might say. I'll do what's comfortable for me.

I might not be using this blog as a crafting one anymore but it's a place for me to let loose a little.

I need to stop waiting a year to update

2010-12-28T14:57:00.000-05:00

I've been oh so busy with school this year, it's unbelievable. Although, since joining craft club I've been craftier than usual by making and doing more than just knitting. I just finished school recently so I've been knitting. I just finished a pair of armwarmers. I used some yarn from knitpicks and put it together with this pattern of Foliage Lace Mitts. I'll post a picture later. I'm hoping to make more things soon because I intend to officially open up my etsy shop soon. I have to see what I want to put up and when I'll have time to monitor all those things. Winter is letting me stay inside and work on these things. We just witnessed the blizzard of 2010 which led to a state of emergency where no one should go outside unless it was an emergency. People are going out today, but are told to be careful. I have work today, but my dad offered to drive me since he has all wheel drive and my car is very old LOL. It took my brother 4 hours to get 5 miles from the office [usually it takes him one hour] and then it took him the usual hour to get back home. Talk about a waste of gas!
Anyways, I'm really hoping to get into the swing of things knitting-wise. I'm even teaching one of my coworkers how to knit.

Christmas just passed! I got a lot of things I wanted and then some ;D My 21st birthday is coming up on Sunday so I'm super pumped for that too! Well, I'm going to do some things before I go to work tonight!

MAJOR UPDATE!

2009-12-24T15:24:00.000-05:00

Wowww it has been too long since I last updated. So let's make this one a good one.
I had my craft fair. Which was VERY successful. I made money, and money to spare so it's all good. I did it with someone who wasn't overbearing and crowded.

Since then, I've joined a Craft Club at my community college. It's a lot of fun, and the people are great. We've come up with great ideas. We even did a secret santa where I knitted my secret santa a PINEAPPLE HAT.

I made a lot of scarves and hats.
I started to doing perler beads and such.

I stopped crafting with my other crafting "buddy"
but anyways. I'm on break now so i'll be able to do more.
No pictures now, but I'll post a picture post.

Ohkay.

2009-03-26T10:18:00.000-04:00

I've decided to put my blog under one of my favorite tabs so that I visit it more often. I haven't been real serious about this site so here it goes.

I'm currently knitting a danica scarf. And I'll upload pictures when I get some more progress done.

My friend Leenie got me a book by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee. It's so awesome. She's so funny and great. =)

I haven't been crafting as much as I should because of school and all that. Speaking of which, the school that's like connected to my backyard is having a craft fair tomorrow night and I think my mom and I are gonna go.

I'm going to post some pictures of recent earrings I made. Since I'm not just doing knitting anymore. But of course I'll still be knitting more than I make jewelry.

That's some of the jewelry I recently made. I want to have a lot so I can sell my things.

So. this is just basically a jewelry update.

I really need to start posting more.

2008-10-04T17:43:00.000-04:00

Yeah, its been what...10 months?

So this year I'm doing the craft fair yet again. And hopefully things will turn out better. I'm knitting a lot more since college has actually given me some time, or at least motivation.

I've recently, in fact today, just finished a pair of lace up armwarmers.

I've made at least 5 scarves & more this year.

I also actually knitted a sweater! It was fairly easy. It was a cranberry red, it took me awhile...maybe a month.

So the price of yarn, along with everything else is going up, that's a problem lol.

But just a little update on what i've been doing.

Sooo, In the Past Month.

2007-12-12T21:02:00.000-05:00

We had the craft fair at my church. It was pretty cool, people bought our stuff and we got money. We had fun and such, and yes, we are still crafting even though we aren't doing another craft fair yet. We're crafting for friends. Oh yes, the Christmas spirit is possibly getting to our minds. But I just had to post this little picture because it's so cute. It's for a friend's 18th birthday.

I need to get better at updating this blog instead of being distracted by everything else.

2007-11-02T11:04:00.001-04:00

March? That's ridiculous. I've done so much since March. Especially since me and my friend Bea are going to be in the local Craft show in December. That means a lot of pictures and such.
Things I've made?
~ Armwarmers
~ Scarves
~ Hats
~ Purses
~ Slippers
~ Pumpkins
~ Dinosaurs
~ Gir Toy
~ Octopus
~ Elephant
~ Shawl
~ Legwarmers
~ Music Holder

Wow, that's actually a lot when you list it like that.

Time for the heavy images. Maybe a story behind the project.

I made a itty bitty pumpkin patch and gave them out to my friends for Halloween! They really loved them!

I really love this purse. I made it on a whim. I just cast on a bunch of stitches, and knitted and purled. the great thing was right in the middle of the purse i knitted when i was supposed to purl. so i stopped after i realized it and in the end it made a cool line that went half way down the purse. I gave it to my friend as a gift.

Just a cozy for my Zune. I also made this on a whim. I did a 4x1 rib and cable with a big button.

Legwarmers from Stitch n' Bitch. Nothing too fancy.

Some basic slippers I made for one of my close friend's mommy. Very soft. Lion Suede.

Gir being lazy on our tv.

A dino I made for my friend's birthday!

I'm going to post some things that my friend and her mom made. They're really amazing!

Some cell phone charms made w/beads origami and shells.

A hat my friend's mom made, along with another one.

I actually really like this one, it's really comfy!

Ahh, that's enough for now, I should get rest and get better[sick]

peace out girl scout

2007-03-09T23:52:00.003-05:00

Ravenclaw Scarf

2007-01-15T11:03:00.000-05:00

This scarf took me about 2 1/2 months to make. I took it from atypically.knit.

The Pattern
Materials:
800 yards/400 grams worsted-weight burgundy (Gryffindor), dark green (Slytherin), navy (film or book Ravenclaw), or yellow (Hufflepuff) yarn (MC, main color)
200 yards/100 grams worsted-weight gold (Gryffindor), silver (Slytherin or film Ravenclaw), bronze (book Ravenclaw), or black (Hufflepuff) yarn (CC, contrast color)
1 yard scrap worsted-weight yarn (for provisional cast-on only)
12-16" circular needle - US7 for Nature Spun, US8 for Encore, or US9 for Utopia
if you plan to knit the ends closed: extra needle (circular, straight, or double-pointed), one size larger than your working circular
circular marker (to mark the beginning/end of each round)
small crochet hook (about size G, to weave ends in and hook fringe)

Gauge:
5 st/1" and 6 rows/1" (or thereabouts)

Knitting:
Cast on 90 stitches in MC. Place marker. Knit into your first cast-on stitch to join the scarf, being sure not to twist the cast-on row around your needle. Knit around to the marker; this is one round.
Work a total of 27 rounds in MC.
*Switch to CC and work 3 rounds.
Switch to MC and work 5 rounds.
Switch to CC and work 3 rounds.
Switch to MC and work 27 rounds.
Repeat from * 13 times more, ending with 27 rounds of MC. Bind off.

Finishing:
Turn your scarf inside out and, with your crochet hook, weave all ends back into the fabric.
Wash the scarf according to your yarn's instructions; dry it flat on the floor/table on top of towels. Be sure to align all the color changes along one crease (they're less noticable that way). Block the scarf by stretching it widthwise until the entire thing is the same width.
For fringe, cut approximately 120 8" pieces of MC yarn. Fold 3 pieces of yarn in half and, using the crochet hook, pull the looped ends of the yarn through both layers of knitting. Slip the yarn ends through the loop and pull tight. Place one such tassel every two stitches across the both ends of the scarf. Then, lay the scarf flat and trim the fringe so it's even all the way across.

Extras:
If you'd like to put initials on your scarf, you can duplicate stitch them at either end prior to binding off.

Armwarmers

2007-01-15T11:02:00.001-05:00

These were really easy to make, i got the pattern from Knitty.com.

Black, gray &white scarf

2007-01-15T11:00:00.003-05:00

i've made scarves before, but this one is really nice. I made it for another person. i started it around 8pm on saturday night and finished around midnight Sunday. I might have finished earlier, if i wasn't out all day long. feedback?? ;D

Stich n' Bitch Hat

2006-12-19T15:36:00.000-05:00

I made this hat last week, and i'm very satisfied with it.

It took me about a week. I'll probably make another one like that, very soon. Maybe.

This is my first hat that I'm happy with.

Feedback?

WOO!

2006-11-11T13:18:00.000-05:00

I'll be using this blog site for my knitting stuff. I'll still post on craftster, but I'll post on here first. Since I've made a lot of things, I'll be working on posting all my projects on here for a little while. I don't know how many hits my site will get, but we'll see.

Kimm